manforester

The last thing I wanted to do when I woke up Tuesday morning was celebrate my birthday. It was the day after we buried Ma and my emotions were still in turmoil after having a short but memorable wake. Having listened to stories about my Ma the past few days, it seemed incredible how many lives she was able to touch. I was thankful for their stories and learned so much about my mother that my 25 year old self could not even fathom. I learned of the sacrifices she made for others; I learned of her efficient ways in making organizations and businesses run better; I learned of her feistiness and cheerfulness that people seemed to remember the most about her. Friends, relatives, officemates, classmates, sorority sisters, acquaintances, etc spoke of Ma eloquently the past few days but coming into my birthday, I couldn’t find the words or identify what I was feeling.

My phone was constantly beeping and after reading the messages, it seemed as if my friends were as confused as I was. “Happy birthday, but..” It didn’t make any more sense when I checked Facebook and Twitter and saw happy birthday greetings interspersed with condolences. How was that possible? All I wanted to do was shut that noise. How could they be happy for me when all I felt was pain or sometimes, nothingness.

What I like telling my friends is that I believe Ma went when she saw that we all were ready. She planned for everything—what memorial service we should use, where she wanted her wake to be, what she wanted us to read when she passed. But what she didn’t plan on was how lost I’d feel on my birthday. My family could sense it, so they were making a concerted effort to make my birthday special. That afternoon, we went to Heritage Park that day to visit my mother. It had rained prior to our visit, leaving a cool afternoon breeze and radiant but not hot sun. And I thought what a beautiful afternoon this was, praying the rosary with my dad, my niece, my sister and my tita. It was hard to remain confused on such a beautiful afternoon.

My brothers and their families showed up later in the evening, where we said the novena and went to birthday mass. Neighbors close to my mom were greeting me happy birthday, sympathizing with whatever I was feeling. We celebrated birthday dinner by having a hearty feast of ribs, lasagna and an insanely delicious frozen brazo de mercedes cake. Ate brought out happy birthday candles she was saving for a special occasion and I blew out the candles with my niece, Bailey and my nephew, Enzo.


It was only when I saw this picture that my brother took that I understood it. That this picture is proof that life and love do go on. That life and love triumph over sickness and death. What better way is there to celebrate life than by having a birthday; that turning a year older is not just a number, but that yes, you are alive. What better way to express love than by having children, and see that love spread by having grandchildren.

It turns out Ma did plan for everything, but we have to sort out the pieces on our own. In her death, she left us with a puzzle, with the pieces scattered about to make us understand life, love, career, faith, and family. Celebrate life. Celebrate love.

1949-2012

What's up with the "Instead-of-being-honest-with-you-I'll-just-wait-til-you-find-out-then-bahala-na" mentality? Why is it so hard to practice decency and common courtesy?

I always want to go out but I always feel like something's going to happen if I leave the house.

Only writing this now because the past week reminded me of the healing power of music. I stayed away from live albums and compilations as Best Of albums will show up on this list.

5. Bob Marley & The Wailers: Exodus



This album brings me to beers and insanely good times on the beach, on the mountains and on the field. Whatever you may think of Bob Marley, he sure knows how to make everything alright again with lines like these, "Don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing gon' be alright." and "One love! One heart! Let's get together and feel all right." Feel the love, y'all. 

Not from the album, but I wish it were: Redemption Song. Political or spiritual, this song's got so many levels.

4. Lady Gaga: The Fame



The 2000's version of Madonna where everything she sings is gold. Nothing says love like these lines, "Let's go see The Killers and make out in the bleachers." and "And baby when it's love, if it's not rough, it isn't fun."

Not from the album, but  I wish it were: Bad Romance. 

3. Urbandub: Influence

Fangirl. College. Late nights running after each of their shows. Collecting their shirts, having pictures with them, getting their autographs, at one point even being with them onstage during their Embrace (or was it Under Southern Lights?) album launch. I don't follow them as much as I used to, but for a long time, this was the album by which I judged all other albums by.



2. Death Cab For Cutie: Transatlanticism



I never followed the OC, but Seth Cohen knew what he was talking about when he declared them his favorite band. And their concert connected with me on so many levels, taking me on an emotional rollercoaster that night. Anna (@electroanna) was right: after listening to them live, I can never listen to their studio albums the same way again.

Not from the album, but  I wish it were: What Sarah Said. Just because of now.

1. Bon Iver: Bon Iver, Bon Iver



Wow. Just wow. This album was no. 1 on a number of music sites last 2011 and I only got around to listening to it this January. AND WHAT WAS I MISSING. This album is.. I cannot describe without turning into an emotional mess. And this album makes me want to understand: its songs and what they all mean, why it makes me feel this way, why my chest tightens and my heart pounds. And whether those song titles are real places or not, I want to grab my pack, fly there and find Bon Iver singing there.

Not from the album, but  I wish it were: Re: Stacks from that crazy episode from House a long time ago with Amber and Wilson, which introduced me to the musical genius of Bon Iver.

Honorable Mentions:
Up Dharma Down: Bipolar
M83: Hurry Up, We're Dreaming
The Bird & The Bee: Interpreting The Masters Hall & Oates
Phoenix: Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
John Mayer: Any Given Thursday
Bloc Party: Silent Alarm
Adele: 19 & 21. Girl, you just sing what every girl out there is singing.

Images from Wikipedia, except for Urbandub-  taken from Photobucket.

Every year on Easter Sunday, we read about how to decorate eggs for the Easter egg hunt for our nephews and nieces, then we go nuts decorating. I'm still looking for the site where my sister got her idea for making marbled eggs. The result was more psychedelic/prehistoric. Nevertheless, we had a blast getting our hands soaked in food coloring. They're still stained.

( Marbled/psychedelic dinosaur eggs )

Source Code. Jake Gyllenhaal. Michelle Monaghan, you lucky, lucky girl. Definitely loving this sci-fi/romance mash-up.



Love and Other Drugs.I'm biased with anything that has Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway on it,



The Adjustment Bureau. Matt Damon and Emily Blunt. This couple is absolutely perfect. I wish the movie was longer so I could see more of them.



Like Crazy. A beautiful little indie film. Felicity Jones and Jennifer Lawrence rocked this. Plus they play Stars' Dead Hearts at the credits.



Drive. This is a love story, people.



Crazy, Stupid, Love. I did not expect this movie to be this good. Excellent work from the entire cast.



Ryan Gosling and Jake Gyllenhaal appear twice on this list. But really, do I need to explain why. 

All images from Wikipedia.